qqqqqqqqqqqn!

ending

2009-12-18T22:01:00.000-08:00

2009 is going to end in a blink of an eye!
did i accomplish anything!?
did i grow up!?
did i change into another person!?
ah' so much had happen this year, and im so glad that i can start OVER.
well begin a new year, with new goals, new values, an eye to view things differently
a heart to love all over again, and hands to feel the warmth again.
a new year, is a start for each and every one of us.
even though we can't go back in time and change what we did, change what had happen
but we can learn from all those. learn what is important and what is not!
learn who is worth the running after, and who we can stop chasing
we can breathe again, well i can.
im not really into the holiday season, because i same thing always happen every year
nothing "new" really happen.....
stay home and do nothing! lol

kairos is coming soon!
and im going to write my talk.
i am excited but scared if its going to come out good.
well imma go start it now.
byebebeybeye

2009-11-26T23:21:00.000-08:00

i feel like a desperate ho! ugh can you can FML

yes ... fail!

2009-11-16T20:17:00.000-08:00

i fail so much! ... i hate school!
why can't i just have decent grades.
i hate math and english!
im failing in math.... i have a 67% ... ugh why is that class so hard.
i told myself i can do it, but i guess i prove myself wrong!
i tried so hard! LIKE LIT! i never tried this much for any of my classes.
i guess, college is my choice now, cause im failing high school):
my mom is right, no uc's is gonna want a 67 in algebra 2!
and english omg, im shitting cows so badly.
im so scare of failing, and having a meeting w/ my parents.
i hate my stupid life. i have so much
nhs.studentcouncil.basketball.mathtutoring!
ugh it takes up my whole LIFE!
i have no life, i literally stay at school till 5 every single DAY!

i just want to loose all my memories and start OVER!
that would be a dream come trues

2009-11-16T20:16:00.000-08:00

Fear of failure must never be a reason not to try something.”

save him.

2009-11-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

please come and save him!
please be his guardian angel.
i miss him... i really doo,
and im loosing him.... slowly day by day.
please don't take him away.
please let him stay by myside, because without him in my life,
i wouldn't be ME.
because of him, i found love.
because of him, i found trust.
because of him, i found hope.
but now the feeling of him leaving is like a knife stab to my heart.
and who who can i run too now.
who can i cry on,
dear lord. please pray for him.
please pray for his safety...
and i promise, if he's safe ...
i promise to leave quietly...
to not enter his life again.
to not be a burden for him ... but GOD i pray for him.
im scared, and i can't do anything.
i can't do anything to save him... so im begging you to keep him in ur prayer.
please protect him, because he means so much to me.
<3

AMEN!

2009-11-07T22:31:00.000-08:00

hold up... hold on... don't be SCARED.
you'll never change what's been and gone
may your smile... shine on... don't be SCARED.
your destiny may keep you WARM

all over again .....

2009-11-02T21:42:00.000-08:00

yes im blogging all over again!
i swear, i have made more then 5 blogs, and in the end i always come back to this one!
the one i feel like it really belongs to me ....
iono right here, i feel like i can be myself.
i can express my feelings like no other.
so i don't know what to say, because all i have is
BETRAYAL! HURT! HEARTBROKEN! CRY!
i wish this can all be over.
i really want to let go, move on. just like he did.
but why why is it so hard.
hu' i really wish you were here. not 4874237 miles away ):
i feel like crap. i feel so stupid.
why why did i believe everything he said. why am i so gullible?

WAKE UP QUYNH! wake up from this terrible night mare.
.... i want to let go, but why is letting go make me more in pain then holdng on ? ):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA6K-ouivhQ

2009-11-02T21:39:00.000-08:00

If You Really Love Something Set It Free.If It Comes Back It's Yours, If Not It Wasn't Meant To Be

2009-08-27T23:03:00.000-07:00

august 27 2009.
WOW so much DRAMA!
... one small lie turn into a big thing. i don't want to repeat myself.
but i hope that everything will slowly go away,
i hope he forgets and just let it go! Please.
i blame myself for being so STUPID! so dumb.
ugh i need to STOP i hate it! i don't know i feel so LOST, so insecure!
i HATE drama, but it always follows me, like a dog following its OWNER.
stop. go away i don't want you here.
lets just pray that everything will go away.
ohmygosh, i want to start over. i want to start everything again.
i keep on repeating the same mistake over and over and over again,
i never learn my lesson. ):
i don't know whats wrong with me,
i think i CHANGED i feel like i did, idon'tknow.

Finally ...

2009-08-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

HU IS COMING HOME!
yayay im excited to see you baby girl!
i miss you so much!
wow, one month went by super fast. the next thing you know you'll be moving out,
partying dorming and what not!
... don't FORGET to include me in your little group(:
i think im super cool to hang out with college FRESHMAN's(: ..
ohman, i have so many questions. you know my little sax questions,
i want you back so i can ask you. you know i little shy LMAO

Thursdaaaaay

2009-08-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOmQ3lRnc6Y
^ i like this song (:

"I would throw away the rest of my life, just to have one more chance, To spend with you holding you close all through the night Your kiss still lingers on, your touch is on my mind, my love I need you back."

^ i feel like this will one day be me:[ everything will come out, and we will go our separate ways :[

yay, you're coming HOME! Finally.
its been ages, years since the TIME has finally come!
i miss you baby girl!
and yes indeed we need out sleepover, quynhhu bonding TIME!
i need it so much.
mhm lets see my week has been busy busy busy,
i should be sleeping or showering right now,
but im here blogging just for you baby girl(: ...
its 10;29pm on a thursday night over here!
well let me tell you what i been doing,
...on monday i went to work,
.. well monday and tuesday i went to work, it was funnn.
it was from 12-5 on monday and 12-6 on tuesday!
on monday i played basketballs with the little kids.
dude they're so rough its not even funny!
then on tuesday i just talk to them, yeah some are REALLY rude,
but other than that i had fun, it was pretty q! ...
mhm yesterday i went back to school for meeting, it was okay! whatever.
then i went to tiem cause my dad had to go learn somthing all the way in riverside.
it was HOT and boring! i was GRUMPY! :[
and then today, i went to school again, .....
went to tiem slept for a bit then went to tutoring, it was q.
did diididd i tell you, there's this girl that have my FIRST&LAST name, and its spelled EXACTLY the same, its so annoying!
when people say quynh i don't know who they are talking too. so gayy!
and it was so embarrassing, cause i was walking downstairs
and one of the dude was like "bye quynh" and i turn and im like "bye"
but he was talking to the other quynh ahhhh so embaarrrisisjsfiasuofhon :[
anyway then i went to food for less with papa,
he annoyed the cow out of me but thats okay, hes old :(
then i went home, did the coupons and then im here writing a blog just for you :]
i miiss you so much! i need to talk to you!!
thankyooou for finally coming home.
i need you, ugly girl.
oh did i tell you mr.delcid and ms.liz got marry already and i saw their weeddding pictures it was pretty q(:
and sister andrea is leaving next year, we think she got fire
and yeah i don't know anything about our family!
their boring, im trying to STAY far far far away from them!
SERIOUSLY! so annoying. they annoy me so much!
kkkk i go to sleep bye

Choose day

2009-08-11T20:39:00.001-07:00

well today was an okay day.

August 10 2009

2009-08-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

what a day, im so tired, work worked me hard! playing basketball with little kids is pretty fun(:
but they can get on my LAST NERVES! but yeah whatever,
so summer is going to an end soon but i dont want it to end because i havent read yet:(
i fail so much i need to READ NOW! you need to read ASAP!

Aww gust

2009-08-07T21:19:00.000-07:00

friday august 7 2009 9:21pm
i hate todayy!!
my grandma is leaving tomorrow,
and a part of me is like YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS(:
and the other part is like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ):
i really hate summer, so much drama, so much shit!
i been trying to keep myself busy, literally busy so i wont think about baby,
but every min every second he runs through my mind! i fail so much, i hate myself.
im loosing myself! i need help, i need someone to talk too so badly.
i cant feel anymore. i hate my life everything is going wrong. today was terrible!
i woke up expecting a morning text from boyfriend but i didn't get one,
he didn't text me the whole day, until around 2ish i text him and then i texted me back!
i was MAD.. pissed off, soo i was being a jerk to him,
but then i think i calm down so i talked to him,
but hes not talking to me and i know he read my texts.
im so scared im so scared to get hurt, im so scare he's going to leave.
im so a lone! i have no one to run too anymore, this pain is too much for me to handle.
its taking over my life! i hate it, i hate it! i cant seem to do anything!
then i went to tutoring for 5 hours and it was terrible,
went home and got into an argument with my dad.
i want to go to disneyland but nooooooooo
my dad was like you have to go to tutoring!
faaaaaack i need to breathe! i want time a lone.
ishodfiosdiosfsdfosdfsdjdf,
so i yelled at him and after that i feel extra bad!
so bad that i couldn't even face him! ugh i hate myself sooo much!
i need help. thank GOD im going to counseling on the 18 i need it,
i need it so muccccch. i think imma go crazy soonner or later.
i honestly have NO FRIENDS! ...............
i have so mucccccccccch i want to let out, but i honestly have no idea who to run too.
i need a shoulder to cry onnnn, i need you, i need you so badly come home,
pleaseeeeee! come homeee, before i loose myself even more,
baby i cant breathe anymore, my chest hurts so much! i dont know
FUCKKKK! i give upppppp. fuck him! im breaking up fucccck,
i dont need this bullshit! fuccccck this crap fuck fuck fuck
fuck him and his fucken lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeees
i dont fucken neeeeed him, i dont fucken waaaaaaaant him!
fuck him fuck him fuck him
i dont give a fuck anymore,
sadhufhoadsfaeruothaerwiuothaerwiuoooooooooooooooooosgfo;

fack summer!

2009-08-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

i will SAVE sex for marriage! ............ cross my fingers!

its 9;03am in the U.S.
its saturdayyyyyy! SAT day, not really excited for it.
its free though so what the heck :/
i OFFICALLY lost myself! im so positive right nao!
i don't know WHO I AM! omg i think im becomming emo!
WOW my life sucks dick!
mhm summer sucks like smelly pussy!
i actually i want to go back to school,
but the same time i need to fucken read those fucken booooks.
blahhhhhhhhhh :[
i need to talk to someone so badly,
but at the same time i need to keep my shit to myself!
i have so many things im hiding from the WORLD :[
fuck i succccccccck.
i FAIL

deeper hole

2009-07-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

im so tired, im so tired of lying to him! my heart is going to break in pieces! im so tired of having to find little things to cover up for one stupid lie, one stupid lie that will kill our relationship. this one lie will hurt him so much that i think my heart will bleed in pain! im so sorry baby! i really am. i hate myself, i hate the fact that i have to lie. i hate me, i hate me for not having the nerves to tell you the truth! im not going to ask for forgiveness, because i don't DESERVE to be forgiven. just know that whatever happens i loved you. truthfully! with all my heart and soul. and im dying in this lie right now! i m so sorry baby :(

Keeping Up With ME ...

2009-07-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

oooooooH mama its been ages since i last REAL BLOG.
its been forever since im actually sitting down by myself and giving myself a little time a lone.
this feeling feels so goooooood!
i feel like i can breathe again, stress freeeeeeee.
i actually can SMILE. REAL SMILE
none of that fake smiling anymore, well i hope cross my fingers(: ...
woow so much crap has been happening in my life that there to....
a point that i felt i wanted to give up, give everything up! i don't know anymore,
i feel like summer is so stressful,
i thought that when summer comes i can escape with the stress but it keeps following,
its keeping calling my name! im so TIRED. i really am,
i feel like no i KNOW that my life is unorganized right now, its a BIG MESS!
what are you doing to yourself quynh?
why are you turning into some useless piece of CRAP?
why are you keeping everything to yourself?
why can't you let it all out? why are you changing so much?
stop stressing yourself out! breathe quynh! .....
even when i ask myself all those questions i myself don't even know the answer to them!
i feel so lost. i think i lost myself, can someone please, please save me!
i need to be the OLD quynh. the happy living in her own little world quynh.
who am i turning into! i don't know whats wrong with me! help me,
someone please help me. im begging you. im so tired!
i can't take it anymore, i really can't!

GOD
are you there, are you listening to me. i need your help, i can't take it anymore! im a mess. please help meeee. i feel so stressed out! i have so much to do but so little time for all those to be done!

im so behind! behind in everything, behind in life! in school! in family! in friends!
i don't know anymore!
what's trust?
what's hope?
what's faith?
what's love?
do they exist?
do they really exist!?
i HATE LA i hate it here,
i want to live somewhere else,
i want to START OVER!
i want to find myself.
who am i?
who is this person that is siting here?
who is this girl?
what am i suppose to do now,
where am i suppose to go!

.............................
me and him is not the same anymore,
i feel so apart from him! i feel like i cant trust him anymore!
all those stupiddddd girls!
well why are you getting jealous quynh?
FACT you guys arent even official.
blah FUCK BOYSSSSSS
whatever, im stress out enough about my dumb life,
no need to stress over him!
hahaha thats what i say now,
buttttt i still stresss over him tooooo!
ugggggggggh i need friends!
uglyyyyyy girl when you go to uci, introduce me to your friendssss,
and hang out with meee! let me club your group aahahahahaha :D
i misssssssssss you bestfriend! :[
babababababy comebacccccck!
youre so farrrrrrrrrrrrrr, so farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr away! :[[[[[[[[[[
i misssssssssssssssssssss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :[
ohhh bring me back some pj pants!
and guess who added me on facebook? ............. timmy!
Ahahahahahha i was like WTFFFFFF!
randommmmmmmmmmm,
weirddddddddddddddd :O
have fun in vietnam, and don't be using no wet napkins
aAHAAAHAAHAHAHA :p

love youuuuuu hugs and kisssssssessssssssssssssss!!!!!!!

Hate My Life!

2009-07-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

Its my second day back in California and i HATE IT! it hate it so much that i feel like running away. Everything isn't going well! i feel like i can't breathe, no i CANT breathe at all :[

TWO more days

2009-07-13T19:56:00.001-07:00

its monday july 13 2009 at 1057 the canada time,
my second to last day here at canada,
and i must say i dontandwant to leave!
man its gonna be so BORING at home,
wiht everyone leavign me, ugggh :[
so lets see what happen,
mhm ohyes today i got my uncle and aunt into a fight over A STUPID DUCK,
cause i wanted to eat duck and my uncle brought the wrong duck and my aunt got mad so they fought and it made me feel so bad im so sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry :[

tooo lazy to blog,

sunny saturday

2009-07-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

it is currently 11 pm in the us and 2 am in canada :]
i am not sleepy at all, so i am here blogging my eyes out.
mhm lets seee i only have THREE more days in here and then im leaving,
going back home! honestly i don't want to leaveeeee :[

blah i fail at blogging tooo ahahahahhahahaha :]

day 5 6 7 8 9 10 :D

2009-07-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

i knoww i fail at blogging everyday and im sorry. im sorry for breaking our promise :[
but i will tell you what i did every day :D

day 5 sunday july 5 2009.
the day baby leaves for dorming....
i didn't really do much this day,
all i remember was talking to baby and staying home eating fruits!
yes eating fruits. yummy yummy to my tummy!
they brought so many viet fruits im like yesssssss, its so good :]

day 6 monday july 6 2009.
the day we were suppose to go to florida and newyork and washington but we couldn't
because we have 9people and the car we were suppose to rent only has 8seats max.
and a rv cost 8000 a week so no we stay home,
instead me my momma my brother my aunt my uncle and my grandma went to the beach
and the cn tower. ahh i was really disappointed that day!
but yeah the cn tower is BEAUTIFUL!

day 7 tuesday july 7 2009
day 8 wednesday july 8 2009
day 9 thursday july 9 2009
day 10 friday july 10 2009

yah too lazy to write it out. basically i chilled with the family :]
and cards night! bonding! and dirty talk!
i love itttttttttttttttttttt <3

day 2 , 3 , 4 :]

2009-07-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

HAY HOE WASAP [;
wow i havent blog in ages,
but here i am in canada doing my first real blog.
lets see it is currently 3:14 in the afternoon and i just finish aiming baby <3>
my momma and brother is comming tonight
and then tomorrow is going to be a REAL vacation meaning not staying home!
but its super chill here, i feel so relaxed.
stressfree! i feel like i actually have space to breathe!
i don't have to suffocate anymore. no crying, no yelling, just PEACE.
i been waiting for this day since FOREVER!
and i thank GOD because he gave me two days of peace.
two days that i can spend time a lone, and not to worry bout anything :]
my wish has came true, i can say im actually happy again.
not taht fake happiness but true real happiness.
i like it here and i don't want to go back home!
back to the lonely, unhappy, stressful, life! im so sick of it. i hate it!
but home is home! i must love it regardless[: i only have one more year!
you can do it quynh. i believe in you :D

so let me tell you bout my days here.........
mmhm what did i do wednesday night?
ohyeah i came at 8ish at night, then we went home,
ate fried rice! unpack. hang out with cousins, shower,
and then hang out with cousins again, talked to baby and love ones <3>
blah my whole body hurts so much that day cause of practice on tuesday :[

day2 thursday july 2 2009..........
what did i do. well i woke up,
like in the afternoon. got a text from baby<3,>
shower, hanged out with the cousins,
waited for my sister to wake up, then we went to the mall!
the mall over here is so different!
the stores are differnt! theres no A&F
and all those stuff, and theres no tmobile over here <---- :o i know!
mhm people act like WHITE people. its not ghetto or chunti.
its clean and pretty! after that we went to the movies. we saw 'the hangover'
ohman that movie was the BEST!
its super funny, and i understanded it too!
best comedy ever well for now ;p
oh the tickets were like 10 and my cousin brought us popcornanddrink[:
after teh movie finished we went outside and it rained like a BITCH!
im like wah ? out of nowhere, and i founnd out yesterday that july is raining season,
blah sucksdick ;[ whatever!
mhm what else then we went home ate i forgot what.
then chilled with the cousins and my cousin made me noodles.
and then i met his girlfriend through msn!
awww he has a girlfriend how cute!

day3 friday july 3 2009
mhm what did i do?
oh i woke up in the afternoon as well, we been sleeping super late!
but yeah i stayed home, then went to the market with my aunt!
OHMYGAL the market over here is gorgeous! its beautiful.
i felt like i was in one of the korean drama!
ohmygosh so clean so pretty and so cheap.
i LOVE IT! then we went home.
ate our ass off, oh yes we brought cake and eggcake yeaaah good sheeet :]
then i was bored so i textedaim people! and yeah thursday was a chilled stay at home dday!

oh yes i must not forget I SUCK AT VIDEO GAMES! ROCKET BACND GUITAR HERO!
you name it i suck at it! i am a FUCKENN girly girl!
its so NASTYYYYYY!
i have no talent nothing!
FML real hard.
and ii suck at throwing a football! man i FAIL in life :[

day3 saturday july 4 2009
happppppy 4th of july :]

im spending july 4th in canada!
i guessssssssss. were picking up my momma nd brother at 7 :]
i must say i miss that little brat (:
sadly my dad isn't comming:[
i wanted this to be a family vacation not a part family vacation!
ughgggghghhghghghgh :[
for once cant we do something as a FUCKEN family!
it sometimes gets annoying! :[
i don't fucken believe in promises anymore.
people always lie to me, and give me FALSE HOPE! fuck it! i done with promisessssss.
well i woke up, chilled with jason. went online talked to baby, ate. adn now im here blogging.

YES i am talking to him again<3>

[15:03] him: u make me nervous
[15:03] him: happy
[15:03] him: sad
[15:03] him: alive
[15:03] him: calm
[15:03]him: loved
[15:04] him: excited
[15:04] him: horny
[15:04] him: heheh last one is my favorite
LMFAO ^^^^^^ he makes me SMILE <3

this one is my favorite
[14:16] him: she says that u must really like her
[14:16]him: if u do all this stuff for her

NOW i can FULLY trust him!
ahhh i LOVE him.
i have no doubts anymore,
beecause he does so much for me and i have done nothing for him!

.......so this is what happen!
on tusday night before i left he called me,
and i weaken and picked up!
we talked and talked and he told me that he DID NOT CHEAT!
i misunderstood! the only reason why he said that was to let me go!
he feels like he's a burden to me, and that made me break down and cry!
how can someone who has NO blood related to me loves me more than i love myself!
care for me more than i care for myself!
why am i a stupid jealous bitch! WHERES THE TRUST?
i think i threw that away!
but after our hourshourhours conversation, i knew for a FACT i have trully fell in love with him.
but WE ARE NOT TOGETHER! he's my friendLOVER<3>
but what sucks is that i thought i would miss him like crazy when i came here but i don't! even though i cried my eyes out during the plane ride now i feel like i don't miss him as much as he misses me! :[
i don't know whats wrong with me! i don't know what to do anymore!
i don't know my feelings anymore!
ahhh my love life SUCKS DICCCCCCCCCCCCK!
why am i like this! this is suppose to be a NO BOYS ALLOOW vacation!
what happen to that plan?
ughghhghghghghghghg :[

............... anywho yesterday
i got the RANDOMEST TEXT EVER! guess who it was?
that GUY BAHAHAHHAHAHUYFAHFAHHAHA! WOW.
after all this time he texts me! but i don't have feelings for him anymore, cause he's a player,
DONE PERIOD! but he can be a good friend :]
but he still wears my bracelett ahahah how cute.
but maybe he's llyring to me ? blah whatever i d care anymore!
okay so i blogggged a lot today. to make up for my other days.
i loveeeeeeeee you earth! <3
happy4th of july!
and thankyou for blogging everyday hu! i feel updated in your life <3
i loveyoubestfriend <33333333>
kiss me through aimm hay hoe wasap ;]

ohyeah had yoou shave you know what ... cough cough pussy?
cause its summmer honey! ;p

and SCREW MATT AND HIS AIDs DICK :]
your pussy can do soooo mycccccccccccch BETTER :]
loveyou<3

July12009

2009-07-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

on the plane …..

well its 1:33 and im still on the airplane.
Im sitting near the window
and my stupid window thingy wouldn’t pull down so the sun is kinda bothering me like a bitch. Im watching “confession of a shopaholic” and its not that q, but its okay I guess!
My sister has a major headache:[ maybe she’s just not use to the plane ride.
Just one and a half more hour baby you can do it :]
ugh I been up since 3in the morning im super tired!
But good thing I slept :] I cried today, not because I miss home but because I miss him!
I know stupid uh. But I just cant help it!
This is really it, this is our good bye!
“if I was ever an angel to you it was because you were an angel to me”
even though were separated I hope he find happiness, because not even for a day
I will ever regret falling in love with him!
Even though we wont be seeing or hearing from each other, every night I will pray for him.
Pray for his health, his happiness, his love, for him to be strong because he is worth it!
He’s someone that made a BIG impact in my life.
Even though I may say “I hate him” but deep inside I know I will always and forever love him.
I love you him, even though I wont be able to ever say this to you again just know
I will always love you, and will be here for you because youre my highschool sweetheart :] thankyou for teaching me so much about life! Thankyou for loving me,
thankyou for forgiving me, thankyou for becoming my husband
thankyou for crying for me! im letting go slowly, but im keeping all the memories.
I called him last night saying I was leaving today and he stayed up with me till I left.
he told me how he felt and I felt so stupid, so stupid for not trusting him,
for saying I hate him because he love me so much that
he’s willing to get hurt rather then see me get hurt.
I got it all wrong. My love life is so complicated!
But when I come back its really going to be over!
No more late phone calls, no more daily texts, not more baby I miss you or baby I love you.
I can honestly can I can never find another him because he’s just so perfect,
hes my ROMEO<3 that’s why imam stop looking.
Imma stop searching and just let that special someone come to me.
Life is journey, imam enjoy it!
Gah my stomache hurts. Im so tired and soar from yesterday!
It hasn’t hit me yet but I know imam miss home so muccch! Blahhhhh

hu i am a failure! i fail at every single relationship. i over think shit way too much!
and yesterday when i left he texted me, and i kept reading those texts over and over and over and over and i kept crying over and over and over.
this is so hard. its more harder when i thought he broke my heart but in reality he didn't
FML!
... well yesterday i came to canada and ohman her house is so pretty.
i ate adn then hung out with the cousins. it was q. and i was tired!

Change of feelings .....

2009-06-29T18:56:00.001-07:00

monday. .......
it went by fast but im not that happy!
secret life of american teenager was pretty good,
eh i want it to be spice up so more! i hope this is going to be a good season!
well lets see so much happen over the weekend im like BLAH right now.
i shower so i smell real good, so lets see what exactly happen over the weekend,
hmm oh yes friday! friday was sleepover day!
my ~~bestfriend~~ sister slept over my house :D
we kindda bonded, cause i was too busy talking on the phone
and she was too busy on aim and facebook. but good thing we bonded a little bit at night :]
ahh i love you huster <3
what would i do without in my crazy unorganized life?
saturday came and ya i was suppose to go to practice
but i ditched that and went out with the best friendsss + her a new guy!
hes not my best friend yet.
thats just a little too close but ya maybe one day if he has the privilege ahahah :]
and then i went home ate, slept, watch my new kinda q korean drama and then the night came! ohmygal! where do i start, well hu asked me if i wanted to go watch my sister's keeper with them and i really i wanted to go, cause i REALLY wanted to watch that movie!
its scary cause i actually really wanted to watch it,
and i better watch it tomorrow or else imma be soooo mad and cry! :[
but yea back to my story, and then i called my mom and she didn't pick up
so i asked my dad and he was like okay whatever ask mom
and i go mom's not here and he's like idk ask her, and get out im sleeping!
im like okay i guess! so i call my mom and she doesn't want to pick up
then hu called me saying they were going NOW and
im like okay i wont go anymore cause my mom's not here
and you know when you have that feeling when your parent is gonna say no
so im like i don't even want to ask anymore ,
so i told them i wasn't going anymore and just to go!
from hearing from hu's voice she felt bad for me but ahhh :[
blah then my dad ask my mom why she didn't let me go and she went
"well she never asked me"
FACT if i did you would have said NO so why bother right?
aaaaaaaah! i just got really pissed off when she said that so i was like FUCK IT
imma go to sleep but i couldn't sleep, and i don't know out of no where tears started to fall down and i wanted to call baby but he was at a party so im like k quynh youre being DUMB
come on guh! so i got up went to the kitchen ate,
watch my movie then baby called and i just talked to him! and called it a night, blah.
STUPID SUNDAY CAME and i felt like crap when i woke up.
i wanted to go to santa ana with my rents BUT nooooooo my mom was being a BITCH about it! fuck man she keeps doing this to me, and if she doesn't stop i swear i will explode on her!
but on sunday i snap on her, she was getting to a POINT that just drove me crazy! it was to a point where i didn't give a fucken crap and i just wanted to SHUT HER UP!
i will admit i am rude! i treat her as my friend more then my mom and i think i need to change it! blah so i stayed home cause i was fucken pissed off at her. and what i do at home?
uh nothing boring! i slept half the day cause i was tired!
i was gonna walk to the gas station to buy food but it was toooooooo hot so im like NVM!
then my mom and dad came home woke me up to go to co thuy house, and im life wtf i don't want to go, i was still pissed off but my mom was being nice to me so im FINE whatever ill go and i was pretty darn hungry!
so i went and i was like fucccccccccck co le is here = sat scores FML! ugh.
and my worst night dare ccame to live , but THANK GOD
my momma saved my ass :] blah my mom is so confusing! whatever, went home had to do the paper thingy for dad. did my fucken three page gay report then talk to baby!
ahhhhh he made my sunday night! so let me tell you what happen!

so lately A LOT of girls has been wanting to get with him, and honestly
it bothered me like a mother fucken
sfkjasfjasdhfijoadshfjoashfuashfiuohdsfuohsduif!
but i was trying to act like okay.
i guesss! so he told me bout this girl who tries to hit him up!
i guess. and how she likes him and
she wants to hang out and talk on the phone yesterday night.
and she asked him if he was taken or single, and he told me he said he told her
" i guess " why you may ask? cause he still doesn't know if im his girlfriend!
BULLSHIT! NEW BLOG RIGHT NOW!

Hot Sat ur day

2009-06-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

sleepover was not veery successful yesterday, but it was still q :D
ah deep deep down i was so glad we had our sleepover before i left[:
too bad we can't go boy shopping anymore,
well not until i come back! man im not very excited to go!
its goonna be GAY. the only thing im excited for is NOT BE HERE for twoweeks.
i just want to forget about eveerything completely when i come back,
because even when i laugh i smile and act and say dumb stuff im in so much pain.
i just can't take it anymore! everything in my life is WRONG!
im living in a sinful world! i feel so outcast.
im not close to my mom anymore, she practically yells at me for EVERYTHING!
my brother gets on my last nerves, hes so freaken annoying!
my sister has the WORST attitude ever, wheres the old nhu?
my dad ohmygal hes do i have to go there, and my grandma OMG im starting to hate her.
i feel all a lone in this house that's why i want to be out as much as i can so when i come home i just sleep and then wake up and eat and then bed time!
im starting to hate my life again! i feel like shit! omg i hate it so MUCH.
no one in this world knows how much i hate my life. at time i can't even take it anymore and i ask myself why did GOD ever make me?
why was i even born?
why was i born into this family?
i feel no love but loneliness. i don't know whats wrong with me! is it me?
am i exaggerating ?
i d k anymore, all i know is i HATE MY LIFE!

so i talked to him yesterday and fell asleep on him.
ohmygal i was so tired, sorryfriend :[
we always talk about the random est stuff ever.
and then we got to this point where my cousin ask him if we were going out!
and he said "i guess" ahahah ya i was expecting that answer anyways.
but then when i ask him he's like were not going out and im like k and i was a little BIT sad :[
but its alright im leaving soon i guess!
i should let go NOW. no more calling bab or whatever.
STOP , STOP PLEASE!
youre not even trying,
youre just making it worst by calling him that!
ugh im telling you FML! everything is going wrong!

i want the single no boys existing life i use to have!
ah this sucks. so i bonded ish with my truefriend yesterday
and i told her i havent kiss and ya now i want to try "making out" i wonder how does that feel?
like whats so good about it! mann i want to try it but not with some random guy!
i don't know but i imagine my first to be romantic,
something i would never FORGET! but ya i don't know .
bahbalbalh whatever. i guess!

hmmm so today i lie to my momma telling her i had "practice" which i really did but i didn't go.
i went out with the bestfriends<3
hmmm i met trams boyfriend and he's nice! so outgoing. man why cant i be like them?
my love life suck!
o remember when i would be the third wheel with hu and koji or with nichole and her ex
or the rest i would always be sad!
well not sad on the outside but in the inside. i always go why can't i be like them!
why can't' i hold my boyfriend hand and just hug him, kiss him and spend time with him!
ugh im so lame. i neeeeed to get over this crap. fuck man im always the third wheel.
why can't someone be my third wheel? oh yeah i don't have a fucken boyfriend!
fuck me hard!

man i need to take a hardore shit! i think that boba got me good!
ah my stomache is killing me like a bitch!!!!!
anyways we went to PORTOS today not pornos but i thought they said pornos in the beginnnging ehh lame! but ya i was good. i wish i had a boyfriend who would take me out to eat and do things together like cuddle and all those good stuff but not sex please, OMG im so lonelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
ehh then we went to in and out and ya it was good! then chinatown for boba and now im home blogging! ay hoe wasap im blogging mostly everyday noow :] whooopppie

i misssssssssss him! i wannnnnnnnnnnt him!
i want to hold his hand omg i fuck everything uppppp!
why couldn't i just be open?
fuck meeee! i can't get over this crap.
hu is right this month is fucken depresssing! :[
but if they ask me to choose him or my friend i have to say my friend.
i know dumb but i rather have friendship then a guy who i like soo much!
i need to stop geet over him because were DONE period!

....hu can we please go boy shoopping!
i neeed itt. where's justin?
im so desperate! i cant go back to him so please heeeeelp!

oh yes how can i forget hu pass her permit!
man she's so freaken smart even tho she say she's not!
but ya i saw her pic and it look kindaa FUNNNY!
ahahaha its okay bestfriend you q guh all day everyday just like ME ;]

ohh may i add she's on her period.
oh laud that thing smells like HARD CORE FISH its not even funny!
i literally couldn't BREATHE!
she neeeds to Listerine that thing.
hurrry please! ohman stinky girl.
maybe her fish pussy is worst then my stinky breathe or idk ?

still disappointed in my sat score!
im telling you make my life right now!
fuck me mememememememememememmememe! :[

he just text me and hes at a party right now at freaken 230 in the afternoon drunk!
ugh he's dumb. so stupiiiiiid! ..........
hu was sad today at in adn out and i was trying to make her feel better
but i didn't know what to say , i give the ugliest advice ever!
bad choice to come to when you have problem.
ya i suck! come on guh we can do this! don't give up now.
youre always there, we can do this together! together.
so don;t give upppppppppppppppppppppp!!
you were doing so fine you stinky pussy :p loveyou!

well i take my napnap now then ill blog later if i feel like it.
kay byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hot earth<3

kill me now!

2009-06-25T22:49:00.000-07:00

ay hoe, wasap!

"It's hard for me to find someone,I notice that,Like a robot in rain.And even though the hurts we feel was all my bad,It still drives me insane, (It's making me crazy)
Do you know that I love you?That I need you to be there,Like a table needs chairs, my love.After all that we've been through,Please don't let it all slip away."

Travis - Heart Speaks First!

that song reminded me of him. i been talking to him A LOT lately.
i feel a lot closer to him now, but i don't know if this is a good thing
or not because a part of me feels like im just replacing him for that player.
i don't want him to be the rebound! i only have five more days to talk to him!
after that its goodbye for good:[
i feel like once i say goodbye i will never find someone like him!
he's that romeo that i been dreaming of since forever.
he's a bird trap in my cage, and its time to set him free!
if fate brings us back together one day i PROMISE to cherish the relationship,
and NOT hurt him anymore. but until then i have to give him up and move on!

baby: " meeting you was FATE. being your friend was a CHOICE. but falling in love with you i had NO CONTROL OVER " <3

its going to hurt me to say goodbye.
but its for the best! i know you're going to hate me,
but its for the best and i hope one day you will understand why im leaving!

its going to hurt me to delete you off aim!
to delete your number! to delete ALL the texts i have since day 1!
but its the only way i can fully forget about you.
its the only way i can help you glue back your broken heart.
its the best for you bab, im not asking for your forgiveness
because i don't deserve it!
hurting you was the BIGGEST mistake i ever did!
i regret it was a passion! ....
i hope you find that special girl
because we all know i don't deserve you! im sorry:[ ,
.......

i went to sleep at 3 yesterday because i couldn't sleep.
i woke up all extra early this morning.
i was lying in bed thinking bout HIM,
i know i fail again but i cant help it.
i can't get him out of my stupid head.
someone come and take all my memory away so i don't feel this ugly pain.
im so much weaker than i thought i was. terrible!
i thought a lot, and i kind of read back to some of our texts
and i just notice he gave me so many hints!
now when it all ended i figure it out.
i think i was trying to play "hard to get"
wtheck i am so dumb. so immature! ...
but then again he's too cute for me.
too good for me,
so how can we be a couple?
you fail again quynh!

i read her blog today,
and i envy her because she actually speak the truth.
she told it as it is. she told him how she feels. straight out! WOW.
i would have never done that.
i will only do that if i am 100percent sure that person likes me.
i hate having the feeling of rejection so i try to stay away from it as long as i can.
i play on the safe side too much.
maybe that's why i fail so much.
life is a journey, but im taking the safe side of this journey.
you get what im trying to say? ... aaah so confusing :[
.........

disappointment #2 :[

i found out my sat score today,
and i am 100percent DISAPPOINTMENT!
embarrassed of my score. i don't want to share with anyone.
i hate it! it made me feel that i AM STUPID!
why am i so stupid. Why?
can someone please tell me why am so stupid?
i been preparing for the sat for ONE YEAR! and i got the score i got!
pathetic! failure! and im serious i am a FAILURE! why cant' i just FOCUS,
school comes first quynh!
whats wrong with you,
why are you so stupid!
why can't you get a decent grade when you have been preparing for this for ONE YEAR!
fuck quynh, what the hell do you eat!
youre STUPID! FAIL.
i worry about myself sometime.
how am i going to make it to college.
i sometime doubt if i can even go to college!
i really really want to go to uci,
but with these score i ass is going no where but home!
i hate myself. i heave never hated myself as much as i am RIGHT NOW!
im embarrass for my parents. how can they have such a STUPID, FAIL daughter!
ugh! i hate myself so much! i feel so uncomfortable!

i am a disappointment to this family .
i honestly don't know why im even living!
i fail in EVERYTHING. what am i good at? nothing!

to my bestfriend

2009-06-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

my heart drop when i read your previous blog! i am dead serious, its not even funny! i thought you were going to blog bout guys, i was NOT expecting this at all!

......

i know exactly how you feel friend. our parents ARE so oldfashion. at times in my life i admire yen cause her mom ACTUALLY let her go out, to have freedom! if have have SOME sort of freedom in my life i wouldn't even be where i am NOW. even when i'm going out with FAMILY i still get nag at. they STILL say NO! i just don't tell anyone but its TERRIBLE TERRIBLE asking to go somewhere. it may hear easy but whenever i ask to go out, i LIT have to CRY everytime. and my ALWAYS NAG when he's taking me. and at times in my life i just feel like RUNNING AWAY too. i never told anyone this but i remember once it was so BAD. so BAD that i couldn't even stand it anymore , i lit thought of suicidal! that's how terrible it was. thats how much i hated ME, hated my parents, hate LIFE! i feel like abird, with wings but cant fly.

....

i really admire you because you have HI! i have NO ONE! at times this loneliness kills me! i just want to go away. thats why i WANT to move out when i go to college, but i have to think bout everything. it cost so much. ah i have so much responsibility.

hold on friend! BE STRONG. just a few more weeks, i PROMISE! ALL this will go away soon! don't GIVE UP please, im begging you! you have so much to offer.

permit test = drivers lic = MORE FREEDOM!

then again, don't be mad at your parents. they LOVE you that's why they want to take control over your life! have you ever thought YOURE the BABY! youre leaving in a couple of weeks. tom left. hi is leaving. and NOW YOU! they will feel a lone. honestly saying you are not going to be home when you move to uci.yes the weekend, but its not even every weekend! maybe they just want to spend time with their baby girl! they one they are so use to staying in bed all day!

so please don't think about doing anything stupid! please have you ever thought your life is their life!

i know i sounded really OLD FASHION! and i have a feeling you'll be FUCK! or really uncomfortable , but loveeeeeeee you <3 cheeeer up! i want to see the HAPPY HU!
the one i run to when i have stupid problems MY TRUE BEST FRIEND! not the one giving up on everythign! LIVE THE FOURTH! you only have ONE LIFE TO LIVE :]

after reading your blog i just wanted to run to the phone and tell you
friend its okay. but i like this whole its not even a comment anymore its more like a BLOG!
i love you. i really do!
and it sad's me to read that youre feeling like this because youre someone i look up too :] my little role model lol :]

i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu <3

CHEER UP! and CALL ME IF YOU NEEED ANYTHING
ahhh i will pray for you tonight <3

Thoughts!

2009-06-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

wednesday june24 4:16pm HOT! i just came back from work. ohmygal it was like a desert up there! so hoooooot. i felt like i could just crack an egg in the middle of the floor and it can be cook, that's how hot it was up there. im so tired and i feel so dead. my bra is killing me. my boobs hurts so much, and again same shit my heart still hurts. i fail again! but then again im getting there slowly. TIME is the answer to my problem. i just notice i don't like him, i just like his "package" ahah i am a failure! i care about looks or should i say the OUTSIDE too much! i will only admit this here but if they ask me to choose looks or personality i honestly have NO IDEA which to choose. i WANT BOTH. is that being greedy? i think i ask too much in a guy thats why i always get butt hurt. theres a saying that goes "don't judge a book by its cover" but i think i do that too MUCH. i KNOW the people around me notice that too but i just don't want to admit that i do, do it! its so BAD. i really need to stop because thats not going to take me anywhere in life! "DONT JUDGE" we never know whats on the inside if we judge. i feel no i AM a hypocrite because im just contradicting myself right now! ugh i need to get my shit straight! i don't know i have so much inside! no one's perfect i know, but i have no many bad habits i need to change!

........

anywho i have no class tomorrow or friday but i have practice tomorrow at 4 and i might go out friday. thats if i find a lie to tell my mom cause she doesn't want me to go out till we get back from canada! i think thats dumb but whatever. so i feel like nichole is mad or is trying to ignore me cause i texted her two time during summer and she hasnt text me back , but she text mely! i don't know. i don't feel very CLOSE to them anymore. i honestly have a feeling were not going to hang out after we graduate! i don't feel that bond anymore. i don't tell them my shit anymore. its just like a random routine now. hi bye! we really have nothing much to say. its like the three or maybe me just kind of split! i feel like im the outcast now! i want highschool to be over with already. im so sick of it! i just want to go to college! but then again i don't. too much work! ah maybe im sick of the all girls school crap! at a moment in my life im actually jealous of huong! i know huong. because she gets to go to a public school! if i was able to choose again i think i might convince my parents to let me go to a co et catholic higschool! i think if i went to one i would have more confident in myself. meet new freidns. and be involve! sometime i envy people who get themself involve because i always wanted to do that! be involve in a club! not a school club but a outside club! sometime i envy all those TN people! i memeber i always wanted to be included. maybe i still do but not as much as before! its crazy man! ah why are my parents so old fashion! its not like if i go to a co et school imma have SEX or get PREGNANT sometime i wish they understand! to not be so strict. to actually let me go out without me crying before going! without all the nagging while driving me there. im always HOME! whhats so bad bout going out? i feel like they just want to trap me here forever! ugh. i need space too you know! i need to go out in the real world too you know! i think i grown up already but i just choose to be immature! i choose to be lazy! i think i am smart. but i choose to not read to not listen to whats going around me! but then again i had no one to teach me! im so sick of being lost. confuse. don't have a clue whats going on! why can't i just READ! or LISTEN! ugh!

.............

anyways we bonded again today after class! i read some of their texts and it didn't really bother me as much! it still hurt but i think he likes her! i should be happy for them! its not meant to be quynh! just move on, like you told yourself many time! but honestly i really hope he doesn't play her! thats why i told her many time " please be careful " even though i couldn't have him i can't stop others from having him, that would be a little scaryy! ahh SIX more days and this pain will be long gone i hope! but i must include he texted me saying " your hott " (cause i put meganfox is hot lol) yesterday and i must give props to myself cause i havent texted him back :D im getting there! SLOWLY. i think if hu can do it i can too! were on this together!:] ... player? that's been in my head the WHOLE day. i don't know why tho:/ uh last night i talked to henrydavid. and guess what he asked me out. in his words " would you go out with me " and i said " no you don't even remember my birthday " and he said yes he does . at first he said dec21 then oct21 but i knew for a fact he knew when it was, but i wanted to change the sub but then he brought it back again saying " will you be my girlfriend " ahh my heart fell but i went back to the " you don't even remember my birthday " and he said i got rejected. and he sounded sad. i don't know if he was playing around or was he being serious, but after that he just change the sub! so im guessing he was playing around. because if he would ask me one more time i think i would go YES! but then again i CANT cause i JUST CANT! STOP QUYNH! . i know im not suppose to blog about stupid boys anymore but sorrry, i really had to get all tht out of me! ya im a failure :/ ahhhhh.

well that's it!
ewwwwwwww i have stinky breathe! yuck. GROSS!
its not me, im sick. not sicksick! but stinkybreathe sick! ahhhhh :[

i want hot lays, wait i have hot lays :D

and STOP STAYING UP SO LATE HU! love you fat guh :p <33333333333333333333

hope you had a fun day!
kaaay bye hot earth
i take a nappppppppp. or watch vietdrama

i really SMEELLL!

i think my boobs are growing! and my pussy itches
but ayyyyy hoe! i saw you pussy hair hu! you need to shave !
cause boyyyyy summmer = pool = bathingsuit!
yaaaaa shave NOW

love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu <3

tn414!

2009-06-23T17:12:00.000-07:00

ohmygal, im so tired!
i just got back from cross country practice
and im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired!
my legs are going to be so soar tomorrow:[
GUESS WHAT HU? i don't miss him as much anymore :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
i think im gettttting there :]
immma be happy again!
immma be the OLD quynh.
the little q quiet guh! ;]
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
and i found out that i STILL have to take the sat class when i come back.
and guessssssss what? eeeeeeeeeylow NEW FRIENDS ;]
if you know what i mean.
i hoooooooooope!
hope theirs q ppl
im in my happy mood right now!
i feel so freee.
i left all those burden down!
I GOT THE ANSWER I KNEW LONG AGO
and now im finally accepting it. and i must say
THANKKKKKKKKKKKKYOOOOOOOOOOOOOU bestfriend! really ,
tahnks for being here for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! loveeeeeeeeeeeeyouX8348347348734873:]
i want to giveeeeeeeeeee you a BIGGGGGGGGGGG KISSSSSS!
ohman when we grow old together
we should hhave a day and sit back and just read through our blogs.
and i bet you were gonna go daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang
we NGU guhs ahahahahah :]
i notice i like to wrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiitte like that a lot!
not very q anymore. i should stop. don't you think?
imma go eat hot lays and watch my drama, which i ahvent done for the longest :[
lets see what tomorrow have for us , kay friend ?

and gooooooooooooodluck on your permit test.
YOU MUST PASSSSS!
so you can tell me how HARD it is :[
and bring me the test back so i can study from it :]
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeyooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu a lotttttttttt <3
ahhh THANKYOU! <3333333333333333333333333

confession

2009-06-23T12:05:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqoqQFiKNLo&feature=PlayList&p=3B9C46FA1B207E1F&index=0

this song made me think about my best friend! im sorrry! im sorry for hurting you so much and now i feel the way you do, im at fault for this! and i really am sorry! im sorry for giving you the wrong sign. im sorry for acting like i want to get back, im sorry for giving you false feeling. false hope. its my fault and i need to fix it! once i go to Canada i hope you get better. i hope all the pains i bring you go away like i did! i will take that plane and ride through that cloudy blue sky. and when i return i hope you found your new world your new hope and your beautiful life again. i will cherish all our memories till my dying days, because you were the one that i help me carry my burden on your shoulder's. all i can say now is im sorrry! i wish you find that special girl that will cherish you, love you like you love them! and i can finally say it, here and only here that i LOVEYOU! i fell in love with you. yes i will admit it, i fell in love with you, all of you! and if i could start over i would! i would never fallen for another guy and left you there on that lonely side. how corny this may sound, but you are my highschool sweetheart<3>

june 23 2009 . letting go! its for the better. im not going to regret this because his happiness is my happiness <3

once last time , and i will never be able to say it " I LOVE YOU! "

............................

so today i woke up happy. i went to school happy.
but once i check my phone i wasnt my happiness just kind of left me.
i am a failure i texted him!

i desperately needed to talk to him

i know i am a failure! FAIL! its so hard. i can't take it anymorrrrrrrrrrrre.
helpppp me someone help meeeee quiiick before i erupt!

well leadership so far has been good! its a q class.
then i bonded with her. she told me about her dream and he was in it!
i notice they have beening talking a lot. another wake up call right there
WAKE UP! ............. but i told her whatever she does do not get hurt! even if its him. do not get hurt.

im not going to tell her bout my crush on him, or how we use to talk a lot before
but now i can finally see with my two blind eyes that he is a player!

i was blind over the fact that he was the "perfect package"
hu is right! it will go away real soon, and theres other fishes in the sea.
i want to tell her the exact same thing! she can do! esp now shes going to uci aaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy ello asians EVEYWHERE! talented asians may i add!
and i hope i honetly hope hu and his friend DO NOT or NEVER meet when they go to uci because that will be very ufhasjfadsjfhadskjfhasdfsjf! but if fate brings them together which i doubt cause she needs a VIET BOY then ill deal with it!

aaaah nhu is telling me to hurrry up
so ill continue later on.
imma take a nap

byeeee prettty sky <3

HU!

2009-06-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

ohmygal i cant take it anymore! this is killing me so much! this is so much harder than i thought it could be! someone come and take this pain away please! im begging you please! whatever i do i always tend to check my phone. whywhywhywhwywhwwy? im starting to hate myself more then i hate him. this is happening again hu. im feeling the same way when turtle left me. this pain is comming back and i hate it! i don't know how to get rid of it. i can't do it! whywhywhy? im begging you can you please tell me why! why do i have to feel like this? why can't i just let go! im begging you can you please tell me what to do, because now i just cant taaaaaaaaake it anymore! i don't know why but whenever i tell myself im not going to go on his myspace, i always end up doing it! ohmygal im a failure! i hate this! i hate boys. i hate HIM! why is did he make me fall for him? why play me? im uselesssss! i neeed to get this shit out of me now! after this i don't think i can ever fall for someone so easily again. it just hurts so much. my heart hurts so much words cant even tell. i felt this once and now i have to deal with it again! i am a failure. i hate myself for doing this to me.
im begging you please tell me what to do! cause i cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt take it anymore!

i hattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttte boyssssssssssssssss and their stupid liessssss. lies lies lies lies!

dissapointed

2009-06-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

june 22 2009 the day i officially GIVING UP ON HIM! yes, i am serious this time! after what i heard today i realize he is just playing me. i don't want to fall in the hole any deeper so now i am willing to just pull my self up and continue the road. i must say my heart does hurt a lot! while walking home today, i really gave it a thinking and im really going to let go of these two. bestfriend. and new friend! im so tired of all this pain. and now my heart just feels so uncomfortable! after hearing what i was told today. in her exact words or some what words "i been talking to ____ a lot lately" and my heart just drop! i try to play a long and i ask her "so what do you guys talk about?" and she answer me with "i d k , random stuff" and i go "does he like you? do you like him?" and she goes "i like him, and i he said he likes me!" right there, that moment my heart BROKE and tears were trying to fall down but i hold it in! i put on a smile, pretending to be happy for her and told her "awwwwwwwww thats so cute" those four words killed me so much deep inside! i just wanted to break down and cry! why, im asking why? why do everytime i find a guy, they always play me! they always end up with another girl. why? why cant i be a normal teen and just have a normal boyfriend for once in my life! why? why? does all these bad things always happen to me! but then again i deserve it because i sin, im a sinnner! and this, this is my punishment! not even once had i have a good relationship. and im starting slowing to give up on this! i need to let things slow down. stop thinking so much. get out of the hole before i fall down any deeper! today has been terrible! my heart feels terrible, but i knew the answer a long time ago, i just didn't want to admit it! i really need to go to canada now! too forget all the pain. to be stress free. and i return those two guys will not be in my life ever again! its time quynh. its really time to let go. and give up! even though its hurting you so much inside. thats the best thing you can do. to let go!

dear GOD,
i beg you to let me have the strength to let GO! and not be weak.
i beg you to pray for all those in this world who is feeling my pain , to give them strength and for them to be strong

amen!

............ imma go take my nap
and when i wake up i wish it was all a night mare. but i know it isn't
GOD gave me a wake up call today! and its time for me to WAKE UP!

see you later. or tomorrow!
beybeyebe <3

happy father's day <3

2009-06-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

new fav song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTrATj84qlg
<----- check it out hu :]

lets seeee today was a ugggggggggggggggggh day! i was not very happy with it! i woke up at 3 yesterday, to check if he texted back, and guess what? dissappointment he did not! in the morning i made a decision to offically give up SLOWLY, even though i know a WHOLE LOT of me doesn't want to, but that little tiny bit is telling me i should give up, cause its not going to take us anywhere, i could be wrong but i don't know! i just don't want to tell him that i like him cause i think i already know the answer to that question! im just so dumb. i need to get over him! but surprisingly he texted me this morning " < / 3 " no that does not mean anything because i know it doesn't! i only reason why he put that cause of something i texted him with the day before! ugh! STOP doing this to yourself quynh! you really need to STOP doing this to yourself. JUST STOP please. i hate myyyy heart. i want to give it up. to be heartless. to not feel love! i hate this feeeling! i feel so unwanted, i feel like im a burden! all this cause of one dumb guy, i fell for! stupid crush! stupid boys! STOP QUYNH STOP! i can't stop cause i more i tell myself to stop the more i think about him! the more i want to hug him, the more i want to talk to him. and kiss his big lips lmao ahahahahah! i needed a little laugh ;] im so sicccck of myself! i want to go to canada already so i can forget about all this CRAP! i want to talk to other guys, so i don't get butt hurt in the end like i always dooooooo! stop being so damn shy and start speaking out! ugh, so dumb! right now my dumb self is waiting for his text! :[ i hate this! i want someone to take this feeling away. i don't want to feel anymore! .................................. to top that off me and my mom is drifting so bad that it hurts me so much on the inside! i think she doesn't like me! she's always picking one me, and she makes every single situation WORST then its already. im starting to dislike her. a lot. and im just so fucken rude to her, when she annoys the crap out of me! i hate the way she's treating me! i feel so un love at home! im starting to become emo! i don't know, im not myself lately! i just want to live a care free life, but everyone is making it hard! uggggh my mom is soo annoying! why is she doing this to me! i hatttttttttttte it so much. at times i just want to run away and never return cause i hate it so much! i feel like no one in this whole world understands what im going through! why am i feeling like this all of a suddden? fuck me, fuck me real hard! i really need space from this world! i try so hard to make everyone happy, that its killlling me inside! wheres the old quynh at? the carefree? the one that hasn't date? the one that had a good relationship with her parents? the one that focus on school on STUPID DUMB GUYS! ? the one that was happpy period! but i think i lost that quynh, and now all i have is the sad, not love, care to much bout a dumb boy, doesn't have a good relationship with her mom or dad, has to put a fake smile on all the time to let people think she's happy but deep down shes lonely, un love, sinner, and isn't happy! i feel like crap! i want all this to go away so i can find the old quynh again!

dear GOD,
i know i am a sinner. i know i do not deserve to be forgive because in the end i always end up doing the same thing. but please GOD as much as you punish i beg you please pray for my family, for they to be safe. happy. healthy! please pray for my dad cause he is getting old, for him to be here till my bro get marry, he deserve to live the happy life because he has worked so hard
please pray for my mom, for she to be healthy. she worked so hard for our family
please pray for my brother and sister, so they to be happy and never feel what im feeling
for they to be smart! and make my parents proud, unlike me

if anything i would give up my life for them! i love them so much, words cant be describe. so i beg you GOD please don't take any of them away from me!

please pray for every one in this world to be happy safe and healthy. for the kids and adults out there that is feeling the same feeling like i am , for they to find the strength. to find themself again.

while writing this it made me think bout koji and hu! i hope you pray for them! for they to be strong. to move on, knowing each miss one another so much! please give hu the courage to not talk to him! let her find someone better. because i know she deserve it! and help koji find someone new, and not think about sucidal, his life is so much worth it! he should be thankful he can live, because i know there are millions of kids out there that will die to have his shoes

please pray for tram. that she doesn't feel lonely! for her to find someone she truly love! for her heart to be fine. to grow old with all of us. to have kids then grandkids! please don't let her have not sexual disease! she's a good girl. she lost her dad and brother. and her mom is sick. please give her the courage. project her!

PLEASE PROTECT EVERYONE because this whole world needs your protection!

hi anh dat. ........ i don't know but rigt now i really miss you! i wish you were right here with me, i really miss your hugs, your smile, your warmth.
i feel so down! why did you have to go! i miss you so much. i hope you are living the happy life up there, and one day i hope to see you! to hug you. and see your smile again!

while writing this blog, i teared up a lot! esp the anh dat part!

thank GOD i let everythign out!
im tired now, im off to bed!

gooooooooooooooodnight world<3
see you tomorrow!

and guess who texted me!
he did! i knooooooooooow! i texted him at 954 and he texted me back at 1059!
not texting back till tomorrow!
thats what he get. but its not like he's waiting for my text... or maybe he is ;]

nigggggggggggggggggght for the secong time :]

and once again, happy fathers dayyyyyyyyyyyyy

sad ur day!

2009-06-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

hello again, i fail at blogging everyday:/ but imma try to keep up. well i am officially a SENIOR, and summer is finally here but i hattttttttttttttttttttttttte it! and i dont give a crap if im a senior, junior, sophomore, or freshmen. same shit. same rule whatever! i just cant wait till i get the hell out of here! i hate it here. so tiring! everyone is getting on my last nerve. and my parents are really really really annoying the crap out of me, am about to shoot myself! but i still love them truly! my sister got the trophy whooopppppiiiieeee! i am 110% PROUD of her, man why cant i be like her? im so stupid. why cant i be up to date with things going around me. i feel like i know more gossip then i know about what is going on in today's world! FACT that is true! i fail:[ so i felt really upset on tuesday june 16! everything was WRONG! and when i went to eat pizza at my cousin house it made me feel even worst. i don't know, i ahd the feeling that they didn't want my sis to get the trophy, that they think dave deserve it more. that made me upset. thats why i was quiet the whole time they were having the conversation! i think my sister deserve it as much as he does, cause she did work her ass off! thats why i am very proud of her. i don't know i keep a lot of stuff to myself and i just realise i curse waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much and thats BAD not pretty but UGLY! ohman so much happpppen since i last blog. my love life stinks like my smelly feet! or maybe worst! yah i think its worst. hate myself! i overthink stufff way too much. i know i hurt henry a lot! i just cant see myself with him anymore, and i will admit it here and only here the only reason why i don't see myself with him anymore is because of another guy! yes i know i am a failure! a failure with realtionships and guys. i have never lasted with a guy more then a three months. they just stop talking to me. what am i doing wrong? am i getting myself involve with wrong guys? players perhaps ? i think so :[ uggggggh i cant get this one guy out of my head! i want too move on and forget about him, but lets face it i don't want to forget about him he's the perfect package! i feel dumb for having to text him. for waiting for his texts adn when he does i lit count the mins. i am so stupid! he's probably playing me like the rest. hes too cute and the perfect package to not be a player! but at the same time i don't knoooooooooooow. i d k if he's a player or not? i don't know if he likes me or not? uggggh i want to knoooooooooooooow, so i can either mover on or go to second base ;] why am i so innocent. i don't knooooooooooooooooooooow whyyyyyyy? why do i care so much. i act like he;s the only guy on this planet im so immature! so stupid. whyyyyyyyyyyy? i have the perfect guy in front of my eyes. he's viet. he sings. he;s sweet. hes understands me and i can honestly say i think i have fallen in love with him! yes i THINK i have? im like a 99 % but because of my "perfect package" i just kick him to the side . i am a SELFISH BITCH! i dont think about anyone but myself. and i still have the nerves to ask my cousin to introduce me to more guys, wtf am i trying to be a player or what? but i really need them to get over these two. ya its not like im going to marry them. okay now im just contradicting myself! so dumbbbbbbbb. so immature! i need to grow up, stop thinking too much, and LIVE and LEARN! but it still bothers me. no one understands. i feeeeel so lonely but so love. aaaah screw me, i thought kairos would help but i feel kind of worst. my relationship with my parents are drifting and my relationship with my grandma is drifting. uggggh screw me and my life! not a fan of my life right now. i neeeeeed to start over. i need to refresh my self! i want to forget about the pass and start over! i feel useless! i want to go to a party, drink myself away and forget about everything! but not have sex or do drugs! those are my goals. not have sex till marriage! i really really want to keep that promise! keep my body holy till i give myself to my future husband, that i will find one day. now im starting to want to become a player! but lets face it i have no loooooks for it :[

i think i wrote enough. i vented all out, but ya i still feel the same!

oh he wrote me a song that i will carry around with me everywhere i go :]
love you best friend , i promise to be here for you forever and ever!
im not leaving even if you push me awya.
loveeeeeeeeeeeee you <3

byebeybeyebeybeyeyebe!

oh hi huuuuuuu, the ONLY one that gets to read my blogs NO ONE else can
hfusadhfudshfuhdsufhdsiufhuadshfiud

bye :]

june!

2009-06-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

its beeeen a while man! soo today is huuuuuuuu's graduation :]
congrattts bestfriend! i love you and will miss you sooo much next year when ur off to uci :[ ,
well anyways. a lot had happen!
hmm henry david vu is currently my BEST FRIEND! <3
i hurt him so much and saying sorry will not recover anything :[
i am TRULY sorry! i don't want to loose our best friend relationship!
i truly wish you luck with your baby girl!
so mucch happen! hmm i went to kairos and boy was that the best!
if i could i would 842582525 times go back in time! i miss it sooooo much!
i wish i could have been less shy! but everything happens for a reason, ya'know?
anyways lately i been so stressful! i feel so down, so lost and sad!
i don't know. everything seems so WRONG! i feel so left out not wanted 8erfhufhewurhwuerjwerewjrfierjf :[
i HATe this feeling. i don't want it anymore!
im sick of smiling and pretending but i know deep inside it hurts everytime i smile!
i just want to hide myself in my shell and not let anyone in, not get hurt!
i over think stuff way too easily and then i let others hurt me:[
but i'll survive cause imma LTFFFFFFFFFF<3 anyways, SAT tomorrow! i will FAIL! uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh! whatever. i really don't care anymore!
im starting to lack off. i need to get on top of things! ...
hmm oh yea im crushing on this boy but yah nothing's gonna happen! and i know it!
ugh i don't want to talk about it cause imma get mad at myself!
whatever, imma go study for gay sat
byebyebreybeye!

may

2009-05-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

hmm, woah its been a while since i blog! lets see, so many things happen and everything is going to be over in a blink of an eye ; and when all this goes to an end all i can do is cry and wish it never ended. but hello's comes goodbye's. my little lie has grew into one big one, and now theres no way to turn back :[ and in the end i know all this will be my night mare , it will bite me in the ass so hard i have no one to turn to, no where to go :[ i feel so dumb , so stupid! i just want to start all over. my grandma came over to visit :] aww man that means my lazyness will grow more , CRAP :/ , hmm so far life has been okay! , oh theres this guy, who i actually fell in love with, but honestly now when i think about it i ask myself do i really love him ? i don't know but im weird. and i can't trust him :[ i need to learn to trust because without trust is no love! i don't know but what i know is all this will end real soon :[

bishop dance

2009-04-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

was WACK! but i got in free, so it was all good:] haha. lets see today was a cold ugly weather day! aaah, my parents are so annoying! i hate this bullshit, whatever i guess. my lie is becomming biger,and biger every day now! my heart hurts so much:/ i just hate this feeling, i want to let go but he always pull me back. i want to say goodbye but he holds me so tight that those words can't come out, i want to end it , but he said he's just the beginning to our journey. my heart honetly really hurts, and no medicine can heal it! :[ i just want to take his hand together we can walk our journey, but i can't. i need to end this before it gets out of hand! im keeping the biggest secret from everyone, even myself. im living in my own world, and thinking no one will find out but honestly oneday this is going to bite me back in the ass so badly i wouldn't when to run! im just so stupid! my life is unorangize, i make lots of mistake, but i never tend to learn from them! i just don't know what to do anymore! i just have to tell him the truth, knowing that he will never ever forgive me:[
screeeeeeeeeeew my life! ... im sorry for hurting so many peoplee! im sorrry for being stupd!

im tired, imma go do sat homework. omgoooodness :[

its been a while...

2009-04-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

since i blog. goodbye spring break, school resumes. i have so much things to do!! im so behind. screw my life:/ i feel like im so behind, i feel so dumb and stupid and slow. i need to pull my acts together quiick before my grades be slipping like crazy. anyways toddday is super HOT. im dying here. i just want to go take a cold long shower but i have to read! ugh i hate reading:[ i think imma pull an all nighter tonigh cause i have to finish my gay readings. no aim, no text nothing! im not going to talk to baby today:[ its been two weeks and were still strong:] .. its cause quynhandrelationships don't go hand in hand :[ i get butt hurt:/ and it doesn't go away that fast. i honestly have no confident in myself. low self esteem? :[ idddk, i guess only GOD can know whats going to happen next, and im just gonna have to deal with it and strong up! ... so far in life im not that happy, but it has its cons and pros. i think i change? i dddk . annyways, lots of people been telling me im mean , but im not. i just talk mean but im super niice. im sorry i can't talk the way you want me too! geeeze just love me for who i am :D .... imma go read before i get lazy and do other things.

nnd im a super BAD speller. spelling and me does not go hand in hand
and my new goal is to become a good speller!
and get my stupid drivers eddddd!

i waaaaaaaaaaaaaaant to drive already! geeezee

bybeybeyebyebeyge <3

april ;]

2009-04-10T23:17:00.000-07:00

soo its been a while since i blog! well im in sprrrrrrrrrrrringbreak:] so far its been great(: i hope it continues to be like that! hmmm, april is the month for loveeeee ;] im freak sprung on this guy! whenever i talk to him he smile :D hes just way to cute! but i feel terrbile from keeping a secret from him:/ i feel like if i tell him, were not gonna be the same anymore! he's gonna hate me:/ idon'tknow anymore! i feel like a strong realtionship shouldn't have secrets kept from one another. i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate this so much! i want to tell him NOW before things get waywayway deep and were both gonna get hurt a lot :[ ugggh i hate myself for keeping this secret from him! why can't i just be honest? idon'tknowwwwwwwwwwwwwww:[ im afraid to know see how he's gonna react when i tell him! i feel like this one is not like those other jerks, he's my bestfriend and i don't want to loose this bestfriend. he's the one i share my secrets with, even the mmost embarrassing secret on earth i even shared it with him, why can't i tell him thiss one:[ aaaaaaaah! i don't want to be a pussy anymore! imma strong up! and if he leaves me after i tell him the truth i guess we wasn't meant to be! maybe that's a sign. and i know imma get hurt sooooooooooooooooo much but in the end i guess its good for the both of us. i rather live with the pain for a while then live in a realtionship with lies! ugggggggggggggggh:/ this sucks soo much! its so fucken easy to say it but soo hard to do it! imma break down and crrrry :/

aaaah soo many things happened to me! but im just really lazy to write them! ill write it laaaaater .

bebeebeyebyebebey

oooh i met the guy from grey's anatomy todaay:]

uglymonster birthday

2009-03-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

happpy22birthday traaam :] time is going by soo fast:/ everyone is growing up, and sooner or later their gonna be moving away:[ but today was a weird cold abnormal day. im tired and im too lazy to blog. uuuh today is my cousin death date too :[[[[ its been soo long. i miss him! even though i was young when he passed away i still remember EVERYTHING! i wish he was still here. i wish i could get mad at him. i wish he could still tickle me. i wish i could still be scare of him. i wish i could sit outside of his room listening to the movie, i wish he would scream at me, i wish i could play with him. i wish i could be nosy and look throught his stiff, i wish he could bring friends over and they would bully me, i wish he was still alive :[ even though this face is blurry to me, but i will always have the memories. i never had a chance to visit him when he was in the hospital but one day when i die i hope to see him in heaven again. dat duong i miss you cousin! may you rest in peace. and you will always be in my heart! forever and ever. your not a regular cousin. i consider you my brother :] sometimes i wonder , what if he was still a live i wonder what would happen ?

GOD i hope you protect tram and her mom. even though at times her mom get me mad, and i dislikes her at time, and tram, i still wish that you protect them. its not easy for him! i want to pray for tram! i hope her health will be great. i hope you will let her stay here until she gets old, until she gets marry have kids have grandkids. please protect her!

and i want to pray for everyone in this world that has lost a love one, that their birthday is today, that is going through so much in life, i want to ask that you give everyone in this world the power of strength, of not giving up. of believing, of hope, of faith and of trust.

dear GOD, i know i sin :[ i know i keep repeating those terrible sins but i know one day those terrible things that i did will come back and bite me. so im not going to ask for your forgivenesss because i dont deserve it, because after you forgive me i know im going to do it again! i just hope that you will never leave me.

please protect my family! my mom my dad my brother and my sister.
ill give up my life for the sake of theirs

please protect my dad, for him to be safe comming home tonight
please protect my mom, because i know she works so hard for us and never complain

please protect this world!
for us to see the light, for us to live peacefully :D

AMEN :]

goooooooodnight :]

tired

2009-03-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

its saturday! im so tired grrrr! just got home from work . my dad went to sanjose! hmm, lets see today was pretty chill. i met three new friends(: can't judge a book by its cover right? sat was pretty chill, at work was pretty chill and i don't know what im gonna do tomorrow. i want to go out but my mom doesn't let me:[ grrrrrrrrrr. imma convince her! watch[; oboy. just so tired. imma sleep! ooh went to piernight with nichole yesterday. it was a quynh nichole mission :] it was boring, but kindof fun :] don't feel like going into details. oh and today i found out something i didn't want to know :[ two too :[ grrrrr. whatever. lets start over(: lol tht's what i always say.

tired. imma go to sleep! bebyebeyebeyeeyyeyeyebeye :]

simple

2009-03-25T22:20:00.001-07:00

i have so much too do! soo imma make this blog quick. uuh today was an interesting day(: i had fuun. uuh school was lame! boringboringboring. and i have to read chapter 4-7 for the gay book! ugggh.

fresh start (:

2009-03-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

its tuesday! aaaah it was alright! im having a headache:[ grrrrrr. i always have headaches i don't know why :[ hmm lets see my day. it went by so slow. i feel like this week is going super slow. but the good thing is we get out early tomorrow so its all good(: school was alright but i felt so tired. i had math history and religion today aaaah :[ but i got a 35 on my math quiz. im soo proud of myself(: haha. history was gaaay, we did bookwork! fuck it was a lot:[ and religion was pretty chill. well nothing interesting happen today. i didn't take a nap today though, so im pretty tired. cousin stayed with me today. so she broke up with her boyfriend, but i think their gonna get back with each other sooon. i don't know, their like cute together. whenever i see them together its just soo cute.haahah but relationships has its pros and cons. ups and downs and only then till a relationship will become stronger. if two people can get through the bad and good times then they are meant to be. i learn something new today. "if its not yours even if you really try to get it its never gonna be yours. if its yours even if you lost it it will come back." yea i know lame. but that's how i feel. sometime when a see a really cute and sweet couple i get kindof jealous, and i go why can't i be in a relationship like that. why do all the guys the fall for are jerks. why am i always the one left behind! ugggggh. im so tired of those bullshits. im so tired of hearing "im not like other guys" all guys are the same! plaaaaaaaaaaaaayers! i shouldnt stereotype, so MOST guys are the same. guys are so hard to understand, and sometime i feel like fuck man imma turn bi cause i can't deal with this anymore but then again nooooo. i don't want too!
so there's this guy that im talking to, and whenever i talk to him he makes me so happy[; but then again i see him as a bestfriend, cause i feel like i can't fall for any guy anymore. cause of ONE guy i lost trust in all guys. cause of one guy i lost faith in all guys, i stop believing i stop dreaming and now im living in reality. im living in this cold hearted world. i guess that's a sign. GOD is giving me a sign, that i should stop searching. and eventuality one day he'll find me. i doon't know. now im just making excuses. im tired. i just want to be the old me again. cause now i honestly don't know who i am. i don't know what i want. im just going to focus in school. spend time with friends and family as much as i can, and live that happysinglelife(: im not gonna be player, cause im not pretty enough. yeah i know i don't have confindent in myself. i don't know:[ but whatever. itsssssssssss time to START FRESH(: hhahah

imma go readd. ugggggh so many pagessssss! :[
then imma try to do religion project if i don't knock out
then imma do math

bbeyeeyeyebyeyeyebyeyebyebeye (:

boring!

2009-03-23T20:41:00.000-07:00

newfavorite song "don't forget" by demi lovato! its everything i wanted to say but never had a chance too :[ annnywho its monday! blah. slept 1/4 of the day. had the weirdest dream and now i can't remember what it was about but all i know was it was weird. hahah. so much shit to do, so little time. fucktime. ugggh:/ but yea uuh lets see today went by pretty fast but i didn't like today! i ditched english, cause my cousin wanted to sleep in and im like ohkaay hahah. then went to boring visualarts! lunch was goooooooood(: then chem was boring! but whatever. went home watched a little bit of koreandrama then i fell asleep, and i woke up at 7 something. cleaned the house cause it was super dirty, and now im here blogging. what a gay day. but what made my day was we don't have school on monday and tuesday nextweek whoooppie. sleeping in niggaaaaaas (; whatelse uhh piernight! i don't know bout that. but lets see whats gonna happen. ohhyea we get out early wednesday. so its not regularsch the whole week so its all goood(: uhhh well that's about it. i think? i don't remember. shorttermmemory is a pain in the ass. :[ lalallallalallalalalaal. oh yea today was pretty awkward in the beggining of visual. and chem was alright. i told her i m not going to ask what happen, but no matter what im here for her and im keeping my words. i know exactly how she feels and i hope she feels better, and just hope an amazing guy will swing by and rescue her(:

am i immature? uh yea! hahahha and i don't carrrrrrrrrre[; accept me for who i am.
even though im still trying to find myself.
im an imaginary person, that's what i know forsure. but at times its bad :[
neeew word! "ohboy!" hahahhah (:

aaaaaaaah, so much homework
lets see i have

math 8.4 8.5 8.6 evens
and then math test corrections

history do that reporter

religion assignment3

english read chapters 1-3

ohhhboy. imma go do them NOW!

byababyayayyabeyebybye :D

weekend2

2009-03-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

goooooodevening[: its sunday! i have so much homework to do:/ laaaaaaame! imma go do them after this. its homework day for quynh(: hmmm lets see this morning when i wokeup i felt like shit! i felt soo unclean,and my room was a messss! soo i shower then i went to clean then my mommy made me foooe(: whoooppppie! and then now im myspacing,watchingmovie and then imma do homework! imma watch the notebook later. the weather is pretty weird today! it was raining, then sunny and now its cold! but yeaa, yesterday was a long day for me! i went to SATclass then i went for tutoring for math after that then i went home and sleeept until today! hahaha i didn't go out at all! whatever it was sleepday(: im a sleeping machine. i can sleep allday! lol but im starting to get fat]; thats nasssty! i don't want to gett fat! my thighs are sooooo nasty! that's why i should start exercising[; hmmm, what else what else oooh]: yesterday at night when i was trying to go to sleep when i woke up in the middle of the night i keept thinking about him]: i don't know he keeps poping up in my heeead! it keeps haunting me! but daaays later hopefully ill forget about him for goood. ohboy was i embarrass yesterday! so i went to get a facial, and my face looks nasty afterwards and my dad was all loud he goes dude look at your face it looks nasty what did they do blahblah and then their was this guy he was decent looking and he looked at me, and he got shocked! fuuuuck i felt ugly! his face when he saw my face! ]]]]]]]]: uggggggggh. i get embarrassed over the littlest thing]; and when i did something bad and embarrasss i think about it and i just have this nasty feeling inside]; grrr. i don't know. but whatever imma gooo do homework noow, then imma do who knows what's next ahah

bebebeyebeyebeyebyyebe :D

part 2 of my sunday.

sooooo my do homework fail! i havent even start my homework yet! im laggin' it:[ grrrrrr. anyways, i went to church today. i havent been to that church in forever! dud they have this really gay new rule! laaame. but i went and my grandma uncle and aunt was all yelling at me! thefuck is wrong with them. they fucken pressure me to go up there and sit. i don't want toooo! so i went to the restrooms with my sister anc cousin. stayed there for a while. then i got a comment from mely. ohboy:[ nichole and her boyfriend broke up:[ i know how she feels. i really do, and i just hope i can help her out but mely said she doesn't want to talk about it. i know this hit her real hard:[ i know the feeling of getting dump. the feeling of being left behind. i feel so bad for her! i hope she feels muchmuchmuch better sooon. im scare to go to school tomorrow. its going to be awkward. i don't know what to say. i don't know how to act. ohboy. tomorrow is going to be interesting :[ but yeaa, i sin. i was on myspace the whole time in church:[ im a bad catholic! i know i shouldn't do it but i do it anyway! :[ school tomorrow i really really have to do my essay. i need to stop lagging on it. buuuut i did get an A- in english whooooppppppiiiiiiieeeeeeee:]]]]] my first A- in that class since sophmore year! im happyyyyyyyy(: i did good. now all i need is to improve on my math and religion. i really don't want to take physics nextyear! but i don't know:[ but yeeea. i guess i'll just keep it! anyways, i fail again today! i went to his myspace. and i read something i didn't want to read:[ im such a failure. why can't i just get over him! why can't i just move on. im a no one in his life. im nothing. why can't i understand that! i need to move on. NOW. but why is it so easy to say but so hard to do! why am i so weak! why can't i get him out of my mind! why?why?why? i forgot turtle! why can't i forget about him? whhhhhhhy? im mad at myself. for being stupid! i just don't know anymore! i don't know what to do anymore. im a jealous type. i think i am:[ i always thought these things wouldn't bug me, and im whatever but it does. it bugs me a lot! whatever. i should be getting over him soon. imma stop doing this to myself. i think i need counseling? :[
but yeeeah now im really going to do my homework!

byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyee:]

smell

2009-03-20T21:35:00.001-07:00

its friday! finally the weekend is here[; whooopppie! this week went by slow! hopefully next week will be bomb! [; hmmm, my day lets seee. it was pretty chill. i had fun! but today was be mean to quynh day]; ugggh! but yeah i had religion first period, then math, then history! we had our chap3 test for religion today]; i hope i did goood! pleasepleaseplease i need to raise up my grade! after that i presented my religion project! oohboy! it went crazy. dude some people were so fucken rude! it got on my nerves! whatever though! then math. fuuuck i haded to peeeeee so badly but he didn't let me goooo! i swear i was going to peeee in my pants! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. and history gaaaaay. he was mean to me! he keeps picking on me]; lunch was fun though(: afterschool was fun tooo(: i hung out with my cousin and koji. it was okay! kind of ackward though but i had a bagel and orangejuice and chips[; yuuuuuuuumm. but oh boy i was sweating in the car]; i be stinkyyyyyyyyy today]]]]]]]]: but i just shower sooo i smell gooooood! smell me lol :D but yeaa they helped me with my gay ass daisymiller esssay! fuck i suck in writing! period how am i going to survive in college? uggggh! after that i spent the whole afternoon at her house. it was like cousinsbondingday. but i spent like twothree hours correcting a stupid essay! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. and my cousins keep telling me that i smeeeeeellll! but i couldn't smell myself! and im not on my period sooo i dk! i came home and i asked my mom and she said yea you do! i think its your breathe and i gooo wtf? ahahahah okay? but yeaaah whatever! like i said i smeeeeeeelll good now(:
oooohyea, i kind of got over him today(: i haven't thought about him! and i haven't checked his myspace for days! so im proud of myself. [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[: but i have these two pimples that look so fucken uggly! uggggggh! annnd i don't like that other boy anymore! im kind of tired of him! hes boring! hahahahah.

anyways imma go do sathomework! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
byebyebebeybeyebyyeye [;

random

2009-03-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

today's thurday! the weekend is finally here[; tomorrow is going to be gaaaaaay! why? because i have boring classes and its going to be regularsch. wow i actually survive this whole week! i didn't skip a day, with regularsch happening all week. im proud of myself(: what happen today? hmmm, well today was a chill cool weather day. i actually enjoyed my day(: hmm lets see what i did today? i freaken went to school at 7;30. it was so fucken early. then i went to chem! gaaaaaay! then i went to english. it was pretty chill though. dude but did she scared the shit out of me]: she was talking bout cheating and letting others copy your homework. and how she caught some people. im like fuck im screw]; imma play on the safe side now! cause i need that recommendation for college. but other than that the whole day was chilled. lunch was good! i laughed a lot[; visual arts is pissing me off now! she gets on my nerves! whatever im not going to take that class next year so i don't care! but this girl annoys me! wtf? shutup already. im starting to dislike her! uggggh she's so annoying. anyways i didn't do anything fun today]; just school it went home eat tv myspace boring boring boring boring! and i should be studying for my religion test tomorrow! imma go shower after this then imma go study! seriously no more lagging it! tomorrow hopefully its going to be a gooood day! i hope the weekend is going to be chill! i hope its not boring! i want to go out but i doubt it that its going to happen this week! hahahah. i wanna go to chinatown! i just ate pho and now im so fucken full]; im tired of pho! no more pho for meeeeeee! ooohyeah today is art class something stupid happened to me. i was telling nichole about my mom shaving off my skin if i get a tatto now, and all of a sudden my jaw cracked! it cracked! it went up and then i moved it and then it went back to its place. that shit hurted like a biiiiiiiiiiitch! fuckkkkk. i hate it when that happens. now i can't fucken eat]; well i can but its hurts when i open my mouth! fuuuuuuuuuuuuck]; i need to shave! imma go shave later when i shower hahahahha! oh yeah im breaking out like crazy! those mexicancandies! uggggh.my face is so grosssss! ]; i was looking at old pictures yesterday and oohboy did i change! i look so much different than back then! back then i seriously thought i was pretty lmao! i know, and now when i look at the pictures ohboy was i ugly and black! and i didn't know how to smile and my eyes! groooooooossssssss much? nasty! i can't believe i thought i was so pretttttty! hahahaha and i thought i was so coool! i wonder how im going to look like in the future? i wonder what im going to do with life? im need to start taking my sat now! im behind. i really want to go to uci but i don't know! ]; if not i'll just stick to cal states and then transfer! i guess i'll do that! i don't know ? ]; oooh i didn't take a nap today. and now im sleeeeepy! im a sleephead! i sleep a lot! bababdbabdbad! lalalalallalalalalallalala[; imma go study for a while then imma go shower then more studying then imm go to sleep. im tired!

byebyebeyebyeye (:

moodswings

2009-03-18T20:55:00.000-07:00

today sucks dick! im so tired so stressed out so behind. fuck my life! fuck this world.
i might as well become emo already]: my back hurts like a bitch and im hungry where the hell is my mom? ugggh! its barely wednesday! thefuck? why is this week going by so slow! its been sooo hot! and i keep getting mood swings. ugggggggh! grrr. i want fresh air! i need space. i want to be away from this fucken world! i want to go to mars or something and then calm down, and return back to earth lmao. school is a bitch! i hate it. i want easter to come already. my teeth hurts! today is NOT my day. i don't even feel like blogging. and then i have to type a gay essay! ]; whatthehell? im just really pissed right now! uggggggggggggh! i hate this! anyways school was boring! and hot and gay! regularsch. nothing fun happen! ushistory was gay! but i did finish my homework(: religion was gayer! and were having a test fri. whatthefuck?]; math was the gayest class! i felt so lost in that class. i feel so behind! i got a fucken 9/25 in my quiz! whatthefuck is wrong with me? why can't i focus? ugggh! i need to stop using the word "fuck" its annoying me! aaaaaaaaaaaaaah my teeth hurts sooo much]: after school i went home, then me and my cousin had a little bonding moment then i ate cupcakes that my mom brought(: then i nap it and now i woke up and im having moodswings! i feel so fat]; i don't want to be fat! i want skinny thighs! and i want to grow! i don't have anything to say. other than im having a bad day. ooh yeah! mission unaccomplish i thought about him today]; i need time to forget! i want to start out fresh! for some reason i havent been myself these past few months. i feel like i lost me! actually i never found myself so how could i loose myself. i don't know anymore]; just so depressed. i want counseling! i want someone to talk to! i feel so lonely! no one understands me! i lost trust believing hope faith and now friendship is slipping away! i want all these back! i want to find them again! i don't know im weird]; imma go type up my essay, eat shower and than call it a nighttt!